Have you ever been on a boat long enough to get your sea-legs, only to feel thoroughly sick when you get back on land?
This is probably the best way I can describe how I’m feeling at the moment – though it has nothing to do with boats, land or throwing up. Shhh! Let me explain. I’ve just been through a non-stop series of deadlines and events that had me averaging 5 hours sleep a night for months. (Many nights were far less than 5 hours.) I don’t think I can remember how to knit, if I sit still for any length of time doing nothing I simply fall asleep. Lights out. History. My 5 yo tucked me in the other night, because I couldn’t last till past her bedtime. I vaguely remember her soft kiss on my cheek. Apparently she told the rest of the family, “Don’t go in there! Mommy’s sleeping.”
I think I’ve made it through to the other side of the stomachulcerinviting hecticness – yay me!
I’ve had to learn to say the ‘N’ word to some things. Aaah c’mon, do I really have to say it out loud? Okay, okay… NO. There. I’ve said it. This is not easy for me, but I’ve realized if I truly believe in my dream, my passion – I need to make space in my life for it to grow. It simply cannot remain at the bottom of my priority list for incase there is anything left of me at the end of the day. (Sincere apologies to you if you are one of those on the receiving end of a no from me.)
So thats all good, but now that the pace is slightly less pressured, I don’t know how to manage it. Going to bed at 10:30 (as much as my body desperately needs the sleep – and sleep I do!) feels completely weird. Today, I met a deadline on time, without staying up beyond midnight. I worked while the sun was shining. How weird is that? I nearly got through my entire To Do list-thingy for the day. Nearly. That NEVER happens. It is thoroughly unsettling.
But in all that, you know what I’ve realized? Landsick is good. It means that I’m in recovery. I’m on my way out of life pattterns that are not sustainable and are driving me further away from what I am built to be doing.
How about you? Is your life beyond managing, or could you teach me some stuff?