Somewhere there’s an angel on frog duty

I went to the loo last night in the dark. You see I’ve got this thing about sleeping. I really really love it. So when my bladder alarm goes in the wee hours, I do the trip in the dark – mostly with my eyes closed. A writers brain is a fickle thing and once you start flicking switches and being around bright lights, you can kiss sleep goodbye. Anyone with me?

So… I’m doing my best impression of a sleepwalker down the passage and I kick something cold and slimy. I take another step and kick the freaking thing again. If you thought bright lights put a whammy on a sleepy brain – you should try bare feet and cold squishy things. URGH. I put the light on.

There he sat in all his slimy smugness. A gross frog. Not a cute little tree-thingy with sticky pads for feet… not one of those swimmy ones ala Flushed Away. Just a big knobbly frog. Somehow those knobbles turn my stomach inside out. So I trapped him under a cup for my other half to deal with in the morning. He normally walks them down – not on a leash or anything – to the closest storm water drain, and magnanimously returns them to the wild. Greenpeace would be proud. Flushing them would have the same effect, but for the teensy problem that they refuse to be flushed.  NOT the kind of thing you want to sit on in the dark in the midnight hours. *Shudder*

The morning went pear shaped and he ran out of time. I thought I would do one better and take the offending amphibian into town to release him into the wild. You see… these things are frighteningly territorial and he would come back and quite frankly I’m not volunteering for that whole squishy in the dark thing. Uh-Uh. Nope. NOT.

It was all going rather well till I went round a bend and the cup tipped. Traitorous blooming cup. It happened in slow motion. Just like the movies. He sat deadstill for a moment and then leapt under the seat. I screamed so loud I’m sure all of Heaven ground to a halt to peer down and see. I’m not a wuss, promise. Just don’t be a frog and leap at me. I will scream at you. Guaranteed.

I drove to work scanning for frog rather than traffic, expecting cold knobbly frog fingers up my pants leg any moment. No man. Not funny. My lovely boss let me park in her yard and leave all my doors open in the hopes he’d take the hint. She doesn’t have frog issues. I prayed, asking for an angel to come escort him out the car. I could just imagine some junior angel being dispatched from Heaven grumbling and wishing it were a frothy demon he were coming down to sort out.

So is he gone? I can only hope so. What deeper lesson did I learn? Um… other than ‘never take a frog in you car unless you want him in there’ – I got nothing. 

How about you?

What creeps you out?

 

 

 

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19 thoughts on “Somewhere there’s an angel on frog duty

  1. Hahahaha!!!
    Oh Di, still more frogs…but they do make for a good story…lesson – how to give a good belly laugh even though it’s the middle of the night :DDD
    Sally

  2. Re: lights in the middle of the night– yes.. when that happens, I start thinking coffee and writing.

    What creeps me out? One day I’ll relate the story of the skunk that got into the house through the dog door. 🙂

    Good story DW. Highly entertaining.

    1. A skunk! OOOOH JZ, I want to hear that one! Lights at night are absolutely fatal. I often do most my story planning and even choreograph dances in my bed with the lights out. It’s the most peaceful time in my house!

  3. Ew, ew, ew!! I would have screamed the house down! Your cup-on-frog solution in the middle of the night amazes me. You deserve a medal.

    Love this! 🙂 Oh – and I don’t do spiders!

  4. If it counts as a bug, I’m creeped. I don’t mind frogs, I don’t think; but were I to encounter one in my house in the middle of the night, I’m pretty sure that would change my opinion. Perhaps irrevocably. I’m easily scarred.

  5. stepping on it in the dark, barefoot, half-asleep? Total freak out! In the daylight I would be fine–frogs don’t bother me. The keyword is daylight! LOL My really creepy thing is snakes…let’s just say I wouldn’t make it to the loo…

    after all of that i would have been up for the rest of the night…double ewww!!

    Have you found any gray hairs as a result? LOL

  6. Hehehe… I have this image of your other half walking a frog now. It’s funny 🙂
    Frog whisperer.
    It’s time to stop and say “Lord are you saying something?”. You and frogs. Perhaps the sooner you learn that lesson the better hehehe

  7. I should have waited till I finished before posting… had to add….
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    You know I love you but that story got my funny bone something chronic.

    “What creeps me out are chicks who can SCREAM” – Kermit

  8. lol I probably would have screamed too! Gross. I hope he found a nice new home.

    I’m like you with the whole walking around in the dark thing. As soon as I turn a light on my brain clicks over. The fact that I am up several times in the night for various kids is already a struggle without the lighting.

    What I’m scared of? I think myself! lol It’s my brain that does it to me. I read spooky books and then I refuse to look in mirrors at night time and worry about whats hiding behind the shower curtain.

    1. JC – I’m sooooo glad my kiddies are at the stage where sleeping at night is the norm. I remember feeling like they would never sleep again… but now they do. Nothing short of miraculous!

      Hmmmm… A writers brain … ‘let’s see how many worst-case scenario’s I can cough up during the course of one evening’ hehe. I can relate!

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