Issues – now there’s an euphamism. I’ve often wondered whether I had some bizarre multiple personality disorder. How can one soar so high through the chubby clouds of joy only to crash to the dreaded dumps of despair… all in an hour… regularly. And then do it all again within a heartbeat. Normal? I think not. It’s like living on a seesaw.
I was in my teens when I began suspecting that there was something very very wrong with me. It took a while to diagnose, but I’ve finally nailed it. Figured it all out. Doctors can do nothing for me, a psychologist would be useless. The truth that I need to make peace with is this:
I’m a writer.
There. I’ve said it. All my personality issues can be traced back to this one fact. Why? The truth is that we writers feel things more intensely than others – both the highs and the lows. We perceive colours more vividly, music moves us more easily. In fact, it doesn’t take much to send us spinning into the blank canvas of our minds, wordbrushes ready. We also have a polished aresenal of words to throw at every patch of trouble that crops up… Feeling ‘sad’ sounds a whole lot easier to deal with than ‘grovelling in the darkness of ones soul’. See what I mean?
YET! It’s this depth of feeling that stirs us to create things that really touch our readers. We move others because we ourselves have been moved. Fantastic stuff!
Until you have to live with me. Then it gets a little scary. Pity my hubby & sprogs. Add to that mix the seesaw of hope and rejection when it comes to the circus of wanting to be published, and you have a built in recipe for a complete trainsmash…
Unless… (and this is my current challenge) we can round up all the angst, the dazzling joy and craft it carefully into words, capturing the heartstopping intensity for our readers. I have a suspicion, that if we can thoroughly discharge all the excess emotion into our writing – what is left may just be stable enough to thrive in normal life. I’m going to give it a good go and see.
Would I trade this seesaw life for something less emotionally demanding? Not a chance!
Am I alone in my weirdness? I’d love to hear from you…