Living on a seesaw

Issues – now there’s an euphamism. I’ve often wondered whether I had some bizarre multiple personality disorder. How can one soar so high through the chubby clouds of joy only to crash to the dreaded dumps of despair… all in an hour… regularly. And then do it all again within a heartbeat. Normal? I think not. It’s like living on a seesaw.

I was in my teens when I began suspecting that there was something very very wrong with me.  It took a while to diagnose, but I’ve finally nailed it.  Figured it all out.  Doctors can do nothing for me, a psychologist would be useless.  The truth that I need to make peace with is this:

I’m a writer.

There. I’ve said it. All my personality issues can be traced back to this one fact. Why? The truth is that we  writers feel things more intensely than others – both the highs and the lows. We perceive colours more vividly, music moves us more easily. In fact, it doesn’t take much to send us spinning into the blank canvas of our minds, wordbrushes ready. We also have a polished aresenal of words to throw at every patch of trouble that crops up… Feeling ‘sad’ sounds a whole lot easier to deal with than ‘grovelling in the darkness of ones soul’. See what I mean?

YET! It’s this depth of feeling that stirs us to create things that really touch our readers. We move others because we ourselves have been moved.  Fantastic stuff!

Until you have to live with me. Then it gets a little scary. Pity my hubby & sprogs. Add to that mix the seesaw of hope and rejection when it comes to the circus of wanting to be published, and you have a built in recipe for a complete trainsmash…

Unless… (and this is my current challenge) we can round up all the angst, the dazzling joy and craft it carefully into words, capturing the heartstopping intensity for our readers. I have a suspicion, that if we can thoroughly discharge all the excess emotion into our writing – what is left may just be stable enough to thrive in normal life.  I’m going to give it a good go and see.

Would I trade this seesaw life for something less emotionally demanding? Not a chance!

Am I alone in my weirdness? I’d love to hear from you…

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13 thoughts on “Living on a seesaw

  1. You have me down perfectly. I call it a rollercoaster ride, but it amounts to the same. Giddy with the adrenalin rush of vreativity, and then the sloughs of despond. It’s worth it, though. Well described!

  2. You are def not alone! I am NOT a writer but live constantly on a seesaw and sometimes my life feels like a giant rollercoaster ride! (or maybe I’m bi-polar? Who knows) loved reading this because I could so empathise! Xkaren

  3. Right there with you, Dianne. Up, down, up, down, doubts vs ego vs fears vs successes.

    Aaaargh.

    I would like to be happy and balanced just for one, measly week. Just one.

  4. Perhaps your kitties are taking over… toxoplasmosis? D’ya have cats? Do you know that over 80% of the french are carriers? Do you eat raw food? Yes, these things are related and recent interest in the subject has soared since evidence of a toxoplasmosis link to bipolar / hypermania disorder. Your kitty could be taking over your life! Actually the toxoplasma is turning the fluffy little thing into a war machine… be afraid, be very afraid!

    Actually all tounge in cheek, but toxoplasmosis is still an interesting subject… check it out!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasmosis

  5. Oh, and btw, malaria meds sort out toxoplasma in humans… apparently… so perhaps I get better for short bouts between trips to the tropics… then on the see saw when I get home to my cats… I should document it and let you know 😛

  6. Here, have a laff – especially the Johnny Depp / Kate Moss interview:

    I hear you re: ignorance but my problem is I’m too curious. There is alot you can do to prevent it in the home though.

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