There are too many have-to’s and they are shutting down my want-to’s.
This is not good. I don’t know what it will take to snap out of this slumpy quicksand of apathy.
I think the big problem is that I feel like I’ll never be clear of the URGENT do’s that keep lining up like kids in a candy store. For every one you get rid of, you’re faced with 4 more. Pretty soon the brain hangs up a closed sign and goes out to lunch… permanently.
For a long time there was a buzz about living a balanced life. I chopped my life up into manageable chunks and tried the neat and tidy balancing act. I all too soon realized there is nothing neat and tidy about life. Not even my handbag has the decency to stay organized for more than a few hours before collecting half-eaten suckers, snotty tissues and the odd bit of broken glass Kid 2 found in the school parking lot. The only balancing I do is toddler on the hip, groceries in left hand and house keys in the right. I haven’t dropped her yet.
Then someone pointed out the humble wheelbarrow. Filled with precious cargo, this trusty vehicle goes nowhere while it’s balanced. To get it moving, you have to tip it way off balance, then you’ve got to run to keep up. Skip forward to end result? Cargo delivered.
As writers, we lead lives that are unconventional. We’re anti-social, write feverishly while normal folks are dreaming. There’s very little balance about an average writers life. (And I’m not talking about the odd few who successfully remain incognito as normal people – you are odd and you know it.)
The end result? Our precious cargo (life-changed thoughts / ideas) are delivered to their destination – our readers minds and hearts.
So how do I get around my have-to’s to keep my want-to’s alive? I honestly don’t know any other way than tackling them one at a time and trying to get enough rest & healthy food. In all this, I keep my want-to’s firmly centrestage in my mind and heart knowing that they are the reason I’m alive. If I allow them to drown under the Have-to’s, I will surely die along with them.
So for the sake of my want-to’s, I’m off to bed. Maybe it will all seem more possible after a few hours of zzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s.
Live today for the things that set you alight inside. It’s those things you are built to do that will feed you and energize you. Run with your wheelbarrow!